God, Happiness and Life

How do I get a heart of stone? Why? because I need it. Little by little, it seems the load is getting heavier and bigger .. it hurts.. the pain is getting me down. Why won't they stop? Are they happy to see me feel bad? Perhaps.. Sometimes, I am given the eye, other times, a dismissive grunt and mind you even sighs of disgust. It seems my blogging has been taking me away from my "chores". I could not believe my ears. Was I wrong? Was it all in vain? But I am not surprised anymore. I knew all along that I had no right to expect. I am a parent and it comes with the territory. Seems I carry the weight of the world. Still, must I continue to expect? I can still manage I know. I hope I get over this. I am trying to recall. Was I like this with my own mother? What I remember is my Mom was a termagant one. She used to scold me a lot .. all in the name of teaching the right values.  I wasn't even allowed to reason with her. And because she is who she ...

I wish those "closest" to me not expect that I was born to serve them. I have already done that for the past 28 years. I wish I had more to give in terms of physical stamina. My health is failing. Perhaps, they do not notice. It's only the grace of the Lord that sustains my daily life. I do not want to think that they don't care. Maybe, just too preoccupied with their own personal concerns. Or, maybe busy with their own life struggles. I understand perfectly. I have been there. To my mother's credit, for her unconditional love and support, I am here today writing this angtsy post. How I wish I could do more for her. Last Christmas, I told her how sorry I am that after more than 50 years, I am still unable to give her a life deserving of all the sacrifices and love she gave me and my children. Her response was: it was well worth it. If only for the fact that my life turned out "better" than hers; that I was able to get an education which she neve...

If I can, I would love to watch these movies: 1. Public Enemy with Johnny Depp 2. Inglorious Past with Brad Pitt for historical (sort of) entertainment 3. All About Steve with Sandra Bullock for the laughs. I saw her 'The Proposal' 4. Julie and Julia because Meryl Streep is my favorite actor 5. Time Traveller's Wife for its story 6. The Informant with Matt Damon, because he's a favorite In the Making Movies: 1. The Inception with Leonardo di Caprio (he's going to be emaciated in this film, says the producers) 2. Shutter with Di Caprio 3. Iron Man 4. Alice in Wonderland with Johnny Depp 5. Dark Shadows with Johnny Depp

Another memento I need to share here for online posterity: father's day card which my children sent their pa. This was prepared in 2000.

I found these pics from one of my memento boxes :-) This was taken by my father I believe when I was 3 years old. That big box at the back is our "giant" radio. It can not be seen here but my name was inscribed on the upper portion of the radio box. Another pic clipping taken while I was still active as a marketing officer for a software company many years ago. The other lady was my long time boss, the company president. I cropped the picture for the purpose of publishing it here, but the original photo also featured two others, the two top executives of our bank client, who approved the purchase of a M/F DBMS.

My daughter's latest picture. I believe this was taken in Singapore on their way to Vietnam for a 3 day holiday .

These things which were all part of my children's lives were given away when we moved to this place about a year ago. Space, obviously was not enough. Though we were sad to part with them, I am comforted in the fact that the memories attached to these mementos will stay with us forever. They are all now in the possession of happy kids. (I hope)